The question: “How are you?” can be given a whole variety of answers.

 

Of course, in many cases the question is simply the way we open a conversation and we are not really asking for a detailed medical history, although it is said to be a habit of old folk to delight in swapping lengthy stories about their various ailments.

 

I’ve noticed a number of times I have answered that question with the words: “I’m getting there”, indicating I guess that things are okay and I don’t really have any problems.  That was until someone asked me where ‘there’ is.  And if I don’t know where ‘there’ is, how will I know when I arrive?

 

I love it when people answer ‘Good’ or ‘I’m good’ when I ask them how they are, because that gives me the opportunity of replying “Oh, I’m well and I’m trying to be good.”  Strictly speaking, ‘good’ on its own without a noun to follow, like ‘good health’, refers to morals whereas ‘well’ refers more to health and well-being.  But that’s being very precise and fussy.

 

I remember once when asking “How are you?” of an acquaintance, the reply came back quickly: “You’re not really interested, are you?  You’re just making conversation.”  Well, he was right, but it took me a little while to recognize he wasn’t being rude or nasty; he had just been thinking about the lack of meaning in so many of the questions we ask.

 

We can often find funny answers to questions or statements simply designed to open or close a conversation, like replying to “See you next week” with the words, “Not if I see you first.”  Don’t say that to anyone unless you are on close and friendly terms, or you might be taken seriously.

 

Be careful that people understand your question.  An unsuspecting person could ask a friend how he is and the answer might be a twenty minute recital of his medical history.  In such a situation, it might be very difficult to change the subject.  

 

It may well be important to listen to such a long story if the person is genuinely feeling low and depressed, when, to pass off the story as uninteresting could destroy a wonderful friendship.  But some people simply enjoy discussing their ailments, as if that was the most important thing about them.  It has been said that with increased age, you may have many more pains, but that doesn’t mean you have to be one.

 

For all the dangers of misunderstanding, small talk is important.  It is boring constantly to be having detailed conversations about philosophy or ethics or politics and never having time simply to pass the time of day with a friend.

 

Rev. Alan Stuart Ex missionary to Korea, Retired Minister, UCA